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How to irritate people in 16 easy steps

Last modified: 29 March 2001

1) During the lunch break, sit in a parked car and aim a hair-dryer at passing cars, just to see them slow down.

2) Use the intercom to call yourself (do not change your voice).

3) Every time someone asks you something, you ask: "Do you want ketchup with it?"

4) Encourage your colleagues to do the rain dance with you every Wednesday.

5) Take a waste bin, put it on our desk and write "Incoming mail" on it.

6) Develop an unnatural fear for staplers.

7) Use decaf in the coffee machine for about three weeks. And when everyone has kicked off caffeine, switch to espresso.

8) Answer everything anyone says with: "That's what you think."

9) Skip instead of walk.

10) Ask people what gender they are.

11) Sing with the opera.

12) Visit the poetry club and ask them why they don't rhyme.

13) Find out where your boss buys his outfits and buy the same. Wear it the day after your boss did. This is extremely effective when your boss is not the same sex as you are.

14) Hang a curtain around your desk

15) Tell your friend five days ahead that you won't come to their party because you're not in the mood.

16) Ask people if they are pregnant.